Here is the problem with fading...you cannot freely express yourself and you really have no real relationship or closeness with whatever family and friends you may have in the 'truth.'
You try to put on a show for them and it ends up eating you up. Your wife is right to a degree, thing is its not that YOU need to be disfellowshipped or disassociated, instead YOU NEED TO DISASSOCIATE JW's FROM YOUR LIFE.
here is a thread I posted about conditioning and how to uncondition your own mind.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/224173/1/The-power-of-mind-programing-conditioning